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Berlin Irving Puttin' On The Ritz (1930) Puttin' On The Ritz [Copyrighted 1928 and 1929] [Original version:] Have you seen the well-to-do up on Lenox Avenue On that famous thoroughfare with their noses in the air High hats and colored collars, white spats and fifteen dollars Spending every dime for a wonderful time If you're blue and you don't know where to go to Why don't you go where Harlem sits Puttin' on the ritz Spangled gowns upon a bevy of high browns From down the levee, all misfits Puttin' on the ritz That's where each and every lulubelle goes Ev'ry Thursday evening with her swell beaus Rubbing elbows Come with me and we'll attend their jubilee And see them spend their last two bits Puttin' on the ritz [Revised 1946 version:] Have you seen the well-to-do up and down Park Avenue On that famous thoroughfare with their noses in the air High hats and Arrow collars, white spats and lots of dollars Spending every dime for a wonderful time If you're blue and you don't know where to go to Why don't you go where fashion sits Puttin' on the ritz Diff'rent types who wear a day coat, pants with stripes And cutaway coat, perfect fits Puttin' on the ritz Dressed up like a million dollar trouper Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper Super duper Come let's mix where Rockefellers walk with sticks Or "um-ber-ellas" in their mitts Puttin' on the ritz [alternates:] Strolling up the avenue so happy All dressed up just like an English chappie Very snappy You'll declare it's simply "top-thing" to be there And hear them swapping smart tidbits Puttin' on the ritz [Transcript of 1982 version by Dutch singer Taco (which Berlin "reportedly enjoyed"):] If you're blue and you don't know where to go to Why don't you go where fashion sits Puttin' on the ritz Diff'rent types who wear a day coat, pants with stripes And cutaway coat, perfect fits Puttin' on the ritz Dressed up like a million dollar trouper Tryin' hard to look like Gary Cooper super duper Come let's mix where Rockefellers walk with sticks Or "um-ber-ellas" in their mitts Puttin' on the ritz Have you seen the well-to-do up and down Park Avenue On that famous thoroughfare with their noses in the air High hats and Arrow collars, white spats and lots of dollars Spending every dime for a wonderful time If you're blue and you don't know where to go to Why don't you go where fashion sits Puttin' on the ritz Diff'rent types who wear a day coat, pants with stripes And cutaway coat, perfect fits Puttin' on the ritz Dressed up like a million dollar trouper Tryin' hard to look like Gary Cooper Super duper Come let's mix where Rockefellers walk with sticks Or "um-ber-ellas" in their mitts Puttin' on the ritz Dressed up like a million dollar trouper Tryin' hard to look like Gary Cooper Super duper If you're blue and you don't know where to go to Why don't you go where fashion sits Puttin' on the ritz Puttin' on the ritz Puttin' on the ritz Puttin' on the ritz Move... Gotta dance Gotta dance... If you're blue and you don't know where to go to Why don't you go where fashion sits Puttin' on the ritz... [Parody version:] Have you seen the well-to-do having sex like me and you? They're afraid of STDs and unwanted pregnancies The AIDS scare's reached it's apex But who cares? I want my safe sex You feel that way too? Then the Ritz is the rubber for you If you screw and you don't know who you do screw Why don't you use the brand that fits Puttin' on the Ritz Girls, you'll see, will be receptive They don't want the contraceptive pills and kits If you're puttin' on the Ritz Other brands? Well, friends, you can't compare theirs When you can wear the brand that Fred Astaire wears And the Care Bears It's a glitzy, ritzy condom Worn by even Stephen Sondh'm who admits To puttin' on the Ritz You won't need no diaphragm to trap her Just slap your Mister Happy in that wrapper And you'll look dapper With your playmate you will get much more play She'll help to put it on you during foreplay At work or play Keep a few right in your wallet If you do then I can call it quits, that's it! Puttin' on the ritz |
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