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Kip Addotta Best Of Dr. Demento Wet Dream It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year I was driving in downtown Atlantis My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray, and it was overheating So I pulled into a Shell station They said I'd blown a seal I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?" While they were doing that I walked over to a place called the oyster bar -- a real dive But I knew the owner, he used to play for the Dolphins I said, "Hi, Gil!!!" You hafta yell, he's hard of herring CHORUS: Think I had a wet dream Cruisin' through the Gulf Stream Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Wet dream... Gil was also down on his luck Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water I gullied up to the sandbar He poured the usual Rusty snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side -- heavy on the mako I slipped him a fin -- on porpoise I was feeling good I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's Squids -- for the halibut Well, the place was crowded We were packed in like sardines They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal -- what sole Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna -- "Salmon Chanted Evening" And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers Probably there to see the bass player One of them was this cute little yellowtail And she's giving ME the eye So I figure, this is my chance for a little fun You know -- a piece of Pisces But she said things I just couldn't fathom She was too deep, and seemed to be under a lot of pressure Boy, could she drink She drank like a... she drank A LOT... I said, "What's your sign?" She said, "Aquarium" I said, "GREAT!!! Let's get tanked!" CHORUS I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait I said, "C'mon baby, it'll only take a few minnows" She threw me that same old line "Not tonight -- I got a haddock" And she wasn't kiddin' either, 'cuz in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike He was covered with mussels He came over to me, he said, "Listen shrimp -- don't you come trolling around here" What a crab This guy was steamed -- I could see the anchor in his eyes I turned to him, I said, "Abalone -- You're just being shellfish" Well, I knew it was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, 'cuz he was already on the phone to the cods The haddock hits me with a sucker punch I catch him with a left hook He eels over It was a fluke, but there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel Kelpless I said, "Forget the cods, Gil, this guy's gonna need a sturgeon" Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend She came over to me, she said, "Hey big boy, you're really a game fish" "What's your name?" I said, "Marlin" CHORUS Well from then on, we had a whale of a time I took her to dinner I took her to dance I bought her a bouquet of flounders And then I went home with her And what did I get for my trouble? A case of the clams CHORUS CHORUS/FADE |
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